Food for thought

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in Uncategorized

Bad Energy Stay Far Away!

Be careful of the energy that surrounds you and know how to decipher people who falsely support you and dismiss the negative energy like Thank you, NEXT.

If you feel that someone is constantly bringing you bad news that relates to you in some sort of way to bring you down, chances are that you’re probably right . Not everyone is willing to take that L in admitting when they are wrong. Instead they would rather pray against your success and see you fail in order to prove themselves right.

Why? because it makes them feel less insecure that the expectations they had of you were wrong to begin with. Those type of people don’t like to see when you exceed their expectations, especially after they either failed in convincing you, or anticipated that you wouldn’t. Not everyone around you want to see you win, especially if you were brave enough to make a move that they were to afraid to make to begin with.

Unexpecting the Expected

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in Uncategorized

Imagine focusing more on how your life story will end over the narrative that leads up to it?

By doing this you will begin to alter your entire story in order to achieve the happy ending that have seen beforerepeatedly. It’s comparable to reading an interesting book or watching a movie to have someone drop a spoiler alert, how boring and uninteresting would that story/movie become now that you are already aware of the ending? or Why is it that some people sometimes expect a fairy tale ending in their life? Do you sometimes feel that society has normalize living a copy and paste lifestyle, which after a while becomes conditioned into believing that it is the life that is destined to be?

Fairy tales from the beginning of time were written to end in a Matrimonial union of some sort. Making one to perceive that it is the only happy ending to life. Fairy tales are fictional stories, yet it fuels our desires of a perfect romance. It also portrays that the only happy ending should involve the union of a particular type of couple even though we live in a world with a variety of non-traditional couples, ie, same gender, polygamous, opposites couples.

What I am trying to say is that most fairy tales were told from a narrow perspective. Not only fairy tales but also, many Romance movies/ novels are similar, simply because it is influenced by these traditional stories. If only those stories were told from a perspective reassuring that non- traditional endings are not the only Happy endings that exists:

  • Marriage may or may not be for everyone and that is fine. Yet there is a good feeling to find your better half because there is someone there for everyone.
  • Babies May or may not for everyone and that is fine. To share a mother child bond is something that is unexplainable and beautiful.
  • Singlehood may or may not be for everyone and that is fine. Yet to be able to love yourself selflessly and use your time to self-love is something strong and self-fulfilling. Nothing is wrong with giving from a full cup.
  • Monogamy may and may not for everyone and it is fine. Three or more heads may be better than one.
  • Heterosexuality may and may not for everyone and it is fine. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and color.

” Happiness can be drawn from so many types of situations and accomplishments.”

A person can travel the world and their experience can be considered a happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that a fairy tale ending is not attainable or wrong. If a person’s true happiness is finding someone then by all means do it, but it should not be made as if it should be everyone’s pursuit to happiness. By painting this picture that a particular way is the only way, people who don’t relate to that way may feel that they don’t fit in the equation, or feel that they are doing something wrong, because the particular way stems from tradition.

Any accomplishment should be considered a Happy Every After. Not because something is tradition, because we all know some traditions are just generational rules that we follow, and we have all witnessed that not all traditions are positive.

All in all, there can be many different happy endings to your story. It’s time for us to create new fairy tales, ones that will be inclusive to most situations, that we all can relate to and embrace. Now that the narratives and traditions really are changing so shall our characters, everyone deserves a happy ending, even though it might be the unexpected ending.

Things to avoid that can make your first date less awkward

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in Uncategorized

Many of us often find our self reliving the first date like a reoccurring nightmare. Sometimes we can be unaware of our habits, and if it is not brought to attention, it can go unnoticed. Have you ever heard about social awkwardness?, well I call it dating awkwardness. Here are some common mistakes that might might keep you stagnant when it comes to moving beyond a first date.

What to avoid:

  • Find out In advance about the dress code for the date. It is important to know if you should dress up or dress down. If your date wants to keep it a surprise just ask if you are to dress dressy or casual. You don’t want to wear a dress, or dressy shoes and a tie to an amusement park.


chivalry is not dead, as yet

  • Be courteous- It impresses a female to know that chivalry is not dead, as yet (even though its hanging on for dear life). Open doors, pull out chairs, those subtle gestures should never become a thing of the past. Manners and respect will never be overrated. No matter how much social media glorifies disrespect.
  • Avoid assigning pet names, it’s just creepy and awkward to have someone calling you something like baby all night.
  • Dominating the conversation by talking about yourself. Try not to mention too much of the ME ME ME’s or I I I’s.

Nobody wants to hear about an ex

  • Talking about past exes or dates. It makes you look bitter and still caught up. You can talk about your past if you choose, because the point of a date to get to know each other, but try not to dwell on certain topics that will make you seem bitter or obsessed. Plus, nobody wants to hear about an ex.
  • No technology, put all phones away that may be a distraction. You won’t sit at work, in church or in class scrolling through social media, or having a chat. Keep that same energy with your date in your presence. Show some table etiquette.
  • Keep your hands to yourself, unless you get the okay to do other wise. Light touching like holding hands, placing hands anywhere below the shoulder line can be a bit much, awkward and forward.
  • Getting drunk-Control your alcohol intake, especially if you are on a date with someone unfamiliar. No one likes a sloppy drunk, Or even worse…an emotional drunk. Plus you don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you are in a state where you cannot be in control.


Be mindful of the type of questions to ask, try not to be offensive or too foward

  • Getting too personal- Be mindful of the type of questions to ask, try not to be offensive or too forward. Asking about someone’s sexual past, or financial information is nothing to be disclosing with a stranger.
  • Dating above your means.
  • Carry enough money- Even if you are invited out, you should always have extra money on hand just in case the date goes left (your date cannot cover the bill, you need to catch a taxi because your date drank too much). If your date intends to pay the bill then offer to leave the tip.
  • Be open minded remember you were not on a date with yourself you are on a date to get to know each other and in order to get to know a person you have to be open and willing to knowing them.

How To Make It Past The First Date

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in Uncategorized

Have you Ever wonder how many first dates you have been on, and out of those first dates how many made it to the second? Some people don’t even realize that they are stuck in the cycle of first dates. It gets exhausting and repetitive after a while having to ask the same questions. I recently stumbled a comment in quora about a person who went on 20 first dates, with only one leading to a second date. Another person wrote that they went on 56 first dates,and out of the 56 dates only 20% made it to to a second date, 5/6 to a third, and one was a keeper.
There is no rule stating that a first date have to be formal. Factors like trying to make meaningful connections should take precedence. It seems that noways people tend to get caught up on the venue, or cost, rather than the vibes, or connection from the interaction itself.


Below are 3 important factors needed for a successful first date:


You want to impress your date by taking them to a place of interest that is in sync with their personality or your personality

• Be Impressive – You want to impress your date by taking them to a place of interest that is in sync with their personality or your personality. It allows for you both to feel comfortable by placing you in your element which can spark conversation about them or you.

• Inexpensive– You want to be able to take your date somewhere that doesn’t have a drive through window. Somewhere that will make you both comfortable, and by that I don’t mean by breaking the bank because there is nothing comfortable about an empty bank account.

• No distractions– Going to movie on a first date will allow no room for conversation. If you decide to, try a having dinner and then a movie, and by dinner it doesn’t need to be a 4 star establishment. It doesn’t need to be a fast food restaurant either. Try something in between, like local restaurants are just that, plus it adds a bit of charm as opposed to a regular chain restaurant.

A good tip on helping with your deciding factor is to try to know a little about your date before asking them out on a first date

A good tip on helping with the deciding factor is to try to know a little about your date before asking them out on a date. A brief conversation can reveal if a person is adventurous, artistic, classy etc.

Below are 14 Inexpensive yet Impressive Date Ideas that will leave an impression with your date and your pockets

Wine Tasting / Groves

Fruit Harvesting

Fair/ Amusement Park

Zoo/ Aquarium

Murder Mystery

Skating/ Ice Skating

Cooking/ Baking Class

Wine & Arts

Mini Golf

Karaoke

Canoeing

Boat/ Ferry Ride

Picnic

Food Tasting

The focal point on a date should be about making a connection. Make sure that you are able to market yourself to your date. Be genuine, listen, and get a feel about your date, and make you both are on one accord. Take a person out that you think have potential and is not just in it for a ride. This is where your gut instincts and communication strategy comes into play, because in the end, no venue, or effort into planning a date will take precedence over a person that just isn’t interested in dating.

The Real Reason why 21 Savage Immigration Case will be Savage in the Court Room

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in Uncategorized

Could 21 Savages Case be the break that DACA needed?

Many people do not realize how 21 Savages Immigration case will be so important to others in this detrimental time. To others he is just a high profile celebrity making headlines. To others “he might just be the missing link in the case for Dreamers who are protected under DACA act.” For those in the back that hasn’t listening Dreamers refer to young men and women who were brought to the the United states illegally as children or teens by their parents, and DACA the acronym for the executive order Deferred Action For Childhood Arrivals. This act that President Donald Trump ordered to end in September 5th, 2017. Those affected by the DACA and DREAM Act are referred to as “Dreamers” according to (read up more on these acts )

Now 21 Savage whose real name is  Shayaa Bin Abraham-Joseph who is now established to be British born (see article 21 things to know about 21 Savage by BBC News) unlike most immigrants he did not enter the country illegally he just overstayed his visit, but it still doesn’t omit the fact that he is now an illegal immigration.

Caught in the crossfire

This case is going to be national news not because he is a celebrity but because he is in the same shoes as one a DREAMER. If they let him get away with this they will open the flood gates and have to to the same for other DACA or dreamers. His lawyers are going to work they ass off to get him out so this might be possible. Oooor they can let him go and sweep it under the rug to avoid any one else to get off. Either way God let this happen, they needed a high profile person to go through this to give it its much needed recognition. People need to know that it is not right to allow a person to suffer because of a choice that was made for them when they were not old enough to be held accountable, so why hold them when they are an adult?

So his case is will be an important key to the fight for DACA by giving it the much needed recognition its needed. Standing behind him will be many others in his shoes. Hopefully once he gets sorted out he use his experience the same way Meek Mill did.

Can a Break or Space make a relationship better or worse?

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in relationships

These two words have totally different meanings but when talking about relationships they mean exactly the same thing. Whether a person says that “We need a break” or “We need space” one is not better than the other, or worse. Taking breaks from a relationship has been going on from the beginning of time. People would take a break from a relationship if they were reconsidering the existence of the relationship and its entirety and need to step away to get a better understanding for where to go with the next step.

Some people would consider a break if they suddenly end up having to move and are reconsidering if it is worth making the relationship long distance or going separate ways. There are even breaks when something is revealed or exposed and the potential solution that may help to reconcile the situation would be to have time to think it over. A break is healthy when it comes to relationships because it prevents you from making hasty or permanent decisions, providing time to reconsider all possibilities. It gives you time to step away and review your situation from a new perspective.

The only way a break can become unhealthy is when it is abused.

The only way a break can become unhealthy is when it is abused. For instance, some people may take a break to benefit their own personal gains. In other words, it can be used as a “Hall Pass”. A Hall Pass is when one partner or significant other obliges to the other, giving them a temporary pass to do as they please within the relationship for a given amount of time. In other words, an excuse to cheat without it being held on record. Like in the movie starring Owen Wilson and Christina Applegate, where he was given a week’s pass to do as he pleased.

This pass has to be mutually agreed on by all persons involved within the relationship. A break is not an excuse to cheat, but that doesn’t mean that it cannot be used to. I recently watched an episode of a reality show called Love after Lockup where a gentleman desperately wanted to meet up with his girlfriend so he said that he would intentionally initiate an argument with his fiancee in order for her to get so angry with him to the point that she would stop talking with him. This gave him the opportunity to sneak off and be with this girlfriend that was staying a city away. Just the fact of him knowing that it would work shows his level of experience as a sleaze ball boyfriend (ladies please beware of men like this).

insecurities can develop when the mention of a break is brought up…

So we can see why insecurities can develop when the mention of a break is brought up as an option. Sometimes all you need is space away from the situation to reveal the root of your issues in order to resolve it. Often we end up with selfish and immature partners that will try to use a break as an excuse to do as they please, altering the entire purpose of a break. Unless it is agreed between all parties within the relationship to have a break without any limitations, and the sole purpose of the break is communicated properly there should not be an issue.

Here are some boundaries that should be expressed before hand to eliminate any sort of confusion:

  • If you chose to have an open relationship during the break I would not recommend inviting another person into a damaged relationship, it can interfere with your relationship. This includes friends too and their influence, which can be based more on their feelings rather than just yours (in other words what they feel is right).
  • This leads to another boundary, revealing your break to friends and family. Maybe you don’t want to bring it to everyone’s attention that you are having issues.
  • The timeframe of the break is also a topic of discussion. You will want to put a cap on the extent of time for the break, it can be days, weeks or months. Do not just leave it open or drag it on, it will not be fair to the partner that was not the initiator of the break. That is just a cowardly way to walk away or break up from a relationship. A break is different from a break up because it should be temporary until you decide on moving forward.

Also, depending on the individual and their level of maturity it should not have to be explained that there shouldn’t be any infidelities committed while on a break to help the relationship because it will only add more problems like jealousy, insecurity, and heartache. In other words breaks and space are good when it is done correctly, at the end you will know the next step whether to salvage or to leave it alone.

Love the one that loves you more

by Mind Over What Matter, posted in Uncategorized

I once heard a saying back home “Love the one who loves you more” and that stuck in my head ever since. If Celine Dion had the opportunity to hear of this saying, her song “To love you more would of never existed”.  The saying simply means that it is best to be in a relationship with someone who loves you more than you love them. There can be so many reasons why this may be something that can be factual .

My reasons being that you definitely wouldn’t be taken advantage of easily, they say love is blind, at least this time you will be able to see. Women tend to be stereotyped as the gender type whom tend to seek interest in men, that often doesn’t return the mutual feeling. In other words we (women), tend to over look men that are their types (that more than likely ARE), for whatever reason. One of those reasons can be, having unrealistic ideals, which can cover from not being physically unattractive, to being financially unstable. Reasons that are unthinkable, that more than likely do not exist…

The definition of ideal is “ A conception of something in its perfection.”

But yeah, getting back on topic, most women will more than likely be able to recognize at least one good man they met in their lives, who they pushed to the side so that they can pursue someone with  more to offer. The person that genuinely loves you more, may not be the person that suits your ideal but they may be what you need. The definition of ideal is “ A conception of something in its perfection.” Ideal stems from the word idea, It is something that exists only in the imagination. We tend to think that we have the answer as to what a perfect lover/soul mate should be from what we believe in our head, which is an idea, which may have been influenced by music, television, or books. In the end an idea can be just that, a thought, not something that is realistic.

These men are not often what you may want but what you need. Its’s just like kids eating their vegetables, they don’t want them, but they are planted in their lives and need them way more than they would want them. These men can show or give you what you need, with that you can grow together to love one another. Some people often miss out on opportunities because the person that is head over heels with them might not suit the ideal image of who they (think) should be with. So that leaves the question ” Do you even know what you want in an ideal man?”  Sometimes, your ideals may not exist.