Can a Break or Space make a relationship better or worse?

These two words have totally different meanings but when talking about relationships they mean exactly the same thing. Whether a person says that “We need a break” or “We need space” one is not better than the other, or worse. Taking breaks from a relationship has been going on from the beginning of time. People would take a break from a relationship if they were reconsidering the existence of the relationship and its entirety and need to step away to get a better understanding for where to go with the next step.

Some people would consider a break if they suddenly end up having to move and are reconsidering if it is worth making the relationship long distance or going separate ways. There are even breaks when something is revealed or exposed and the potential solution that may help to reconcile the situation would be to have time to think it over. A break is healthy when it comes to relationships because it prevents you from making hasty or permanent decisions, providing time to reconsider all possibilities. It gives you time to step away and review your situation from a new perspective.

The only way a break can become unhealthy is when it is abused.

The only way a break can become unhealthy is when it is abused. For instance, some people may take a break to benefit their own personal gains. In other words, it can be used as a “Hall Pass”. A Hall Pass is when one partner or significant other obliges to the other, giving them a temporary pass to do as they please within the relationship for a given amount of time. In other words, an excuse to cheat without it being held on record. Like in the movie starring Owen Wilson and Christina Applegate, where he was given a week’s pass to do as he pleased.

This pass has to be mutually agreed on by all persons involved within the relationship. A break is not an excuse to cheat, but that doesn’t mean that it cannot be used to. I recently watched an episode of a reality show called Love after Lockup where a gentleman desperately wanted to meet up with his girlfriend so he said that he would intentionally initiate an argument with his fiancee in order for her to get so angry with him to the point that she would stop talking with him. This gave him the opportunity to sneak off and be with this girlfriend that was staying a city away. Just the fact of him knowing that it would work shows his level of experience as a sleaze ball boyfriend (ladies please beware of men like this).

insecurities can develop when the mention of a break is brought up…

So we can see why insecurities can develop when the mention of a break is brought up as an option. Sometimes all you need is space away from the situation to reveal the root of your issues in order to resolve it. Often we end up with selfish and immature partners that will try to use a break as an excuse to do as they please, altering the entire purpose of a break. Unless it is agreed between all parties within the relationship to have a break without any limitations, and the sole purpose of the break is communicated properly there should not be an issue.

Here are some boundaries that should be expressed before hand to eliminate any sort of confusion:

  • If you chose to have an open relationship during the break I would not recommend inviting another person into a damaged relationship, it can interfere with your relationship. This includes friends too and their influence, which can be based more on their feelings rather than just yours (in other words what they feel is right).
  • This leads to another boundary, revealing your break to friends and family. Maybe you don’t want to bring it to everyone’s attention that you are having issues.
  • The timeframe of the break is also a topic of discussion. You will want to put a cap on the extent of time for the break, it can be days, weeks or months. Do not just leave it open or drag it on, it will not be fair to the partner that was not the initiator of the break. That is just a cowardly way to walk away or break up from a relationship. A break is different from a break up because it should be temporary until you decide on moving forward.

Also, depending on the individual and their level of maturity it should not have to be explained that there shouldn’t be any infidelities committed while on a break to help the relationship because it will only add more problems like jealousy, insecurity, and heartache. In other words breaks and space are good when it is done correctly, at the end you will know the next step whether to salvage or to leave it alone.

Destination Friend Zoned: Who’s to blame?


 Destination Friend Zoned: Who’s to blame?

Don’t you wish that a person could wear a sign like the one above on a t-shirt as a precautionary warning? There is one place I’m sure no woman or man would want to end up in. The dreaded FRIEND ZONE, it almost sounds like a place from a Sci-fi thriller. I have seen and heard so many different definition of this term. My definition for it is being in a place and time frame that a person (the person with the interest) is placed into (temporary or permanent), when they develop an attraction towards a friend (the person they are interested in) and the feelings are not reciprocated.

Now I know it simply sounds like a definition of a person that you are just not that into, but a candidate for a friend zone is a little more than that. To me it can be a person that is put on the back burner, until maybe the possibility of the mutual feelings being returned. It is where you segregate the person with little, or no potential of being someone that will be able to be in an intimate relationship with you.

Sometimes a person is placed in this zone either because:

  • The person just simply is just not into them.
  • They are not ready to start a relationship with them at the moment.
  • They cannot see themselves in a relationship with the person.
  • They need to keep someone on the back burner in case your current relationship or situationship doesn’t work out.
  • They want to reject them but don’t know how without hurting their feelings, or coming off as mean (which kind of fall under the first point)
  • They have no idea how the persons feels about them.

There is no gender that is exempted from being placed into this zone. Some persons are in this zone without even realizing, while some are in it that do. For those that do they cling onto the hope of one day being given the opportunity, or chance at love. For others that are not aware, here are some signs of being friend zoned:

  • They refuse to put a title, or does not give a straight forward answer about your relationship, or where it is headed (often makes excuses).
  • The person never initiates a conversation, or conversations usually are limited to a few words.
  • They never ask you on a date, or declines your invite, or if you do there is never no sign of affection like kissing, or light touching (hugging not included)
  • They are never intimate with you.
  • They treat you the same way they would treat their friends. For instance, get advice about lovers like they would to a friend.
  • They introduced you to their family as a friend.

There are friendships that are being torn apart, and a lot of resentment because of this. Sometimes it isn’t the person that is the object your affection to blame the person that is being friend zoned. Let’s admit, sometime people tend to hold themselves as hostage themselves within that zone.

For instance, some people would enter a person’s life under false pretences, by first trying to gain a person’s trust. Then they try to gain that person’s friendship, next they try to gain their love. Before you know it this person is professing their undying love and emotions to someone who only sees them as a nothing more than just a friend. This is what I think is unfair, yes I know not everyone that a person will meet in life will have ulterior motives. People tend to introduce themselves to other, then might later become friends based on their compatibility of the same interest, but at the same time we must not deny that people that do meet others  based on being physically attraction towards them.

Then what happens next is initially this person might approach the person they are interested in, but gets shut down, but they tend to hang around. All of a sudden these two become friends, and then the person with the interest will feel like they are in a prominent position in the person’s life where then can try their shot again. Now this move could lead to either result, whereas the person might have grown to love them and become attracted to them. Or it could result in the person still not feeling the same as the person that is interested in them, but now they probably feel awkward, and then friendship becomes totally ruined, or just not the same.

So, as long as persons are not straight forward with their intentions, friend zones will always exist. Not all of the time a person will have the intent of winning over someone’s heart whether it is now or they chose to wait later. But if a person should choose this course in attempting to avoid the friend zone here’s what to do:

  • Express how you feel; a person might not have any clue that you have the slightest feelings towards them as being more than friends.
  • Do know that your plan is not going to be fool proof when it comes to dealing with someone’s emotions. You cannot manipulate or pity someone into feeling the way that you do, or guilt trip them if the feelings are not mutual.
  • Do not beg, or try to convince the person to be with you. If you are already friends, then they already know the quality you possess. It should be their choice to reveal their feelings (weather mutual or not) decide the next step they want to take.
  • Do not put your life on hold for something that you have no control over, or something you do not have a title to. It’s either the person want, or do not want to be with you. Live life, date, you never know you might find a soul mate to get you over your feelings.
  • Make sure to try and get a straight forward enough answer without being pushy. Sometimes this can be a lot for a person to swallow, especially if this is a long-time friendship. But in the end this response will ultimately be the answer you will need in order to make the next step.
  • If you are not successful in obtaining their love, decide whether the friendship can move forward, don’t make the person feel uncomfortable, true friendships can overcome a lot. Besides, there would be no friend zone if people would actually communicate from the day one, and move on if a person isn’t feeling them.

When a person is interested it will show, even if this person is shy, once you make it clear that you are on the same page it will be evident. A summed up way of knowing if the person is only interested in you as a friend is that they will treat you as that, just a friend. There will be no flirting, touching, feeling etc. The love will be generalized and not specific. Everyone is guilty of being put in the friend zone. It is just up to you to decide whether or not you will chance being there, and being released, or if you chose to release yourself.

Then again Ross Gellar  from the popular 90’s sitcom “Friends” waited 7 years before he was given a chance with his long time crush, and Jason from Twilight waited just to protect the love of his life Bella’s daughter, but these are all ficticional characters (see other familiar characters that were friend zoned in the link below)