Things to avoid that can make your first date less awkward

Many of us often find our self reliving the first date like a reoccurring nightmare. Sometimes we can be unaware of our habits, and if it is not brought to attention, it can go unnoticed. Have you ever heard about social awkwardness?, well I call it dating awkwardness. Here are some common mistakes that might might keep you stagnant when it comes to moving beyond a first date.

What to avoid:

  • Find out In advance about the dress code for the date. It is important to know if you should dress up or dress down. If your date wants to keep it a surprise just ask if you are to dress dressy or casual. You don’t want to wear a dress, or dressy shoes and a tie to an amusement park.


chivalry is not dead, as yet

  • Be courteous- It impresses a female to know that chivalry is not dead, as yet (even though its hanging on for dear life). Open doors, pull out chairs, those subtle gestures should never become a thing of the past. Manners and respect will never be overrated. No matter how much social media glorifies disrespect.
  • Avoid assigning pet names, it’s just creepy and awkward to have someone calling you something like baby all night.
  • Dominating the conversation by talking about yourself. Try not to mention too much of the ME ME ME’s or I I I’s.

Nobody wants to hear about an ex

  • Talking about past exes or dates. It makes you look bitter and still caught up. You can talk about your past if you choose, because the point of a date to get to know each other, but try not to dwell on certain topics that will make you seem bitter or obsessed. Plus, nobody wants to hear about an ex.
  • No technology, put all phones away that may be a distraction. You won’t sit at work, in church or in class scrolling through social media, or having a chat. Keep that same energy with your date in your presence. Show some table etiquette.
  • Keep your hands to yourself, unless you get the okay to do other wise. Light touching like holding hands, placing hands anywhere below the shoulder line can be a bit much, awkward and forward.
  • Getting drunk-Control your alcohol intake, especially if you are on a date with someone unfamiliar. No one likes a sloppy drunk, Or even worse…an emotional drunk. Plus you don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you are in a state where you cannot be in control.


Be mindful of the type of questions to ask, try not to be offensive or too foward

  • Getting too personal- Be mindful of the type of questions to ask, try not to be offensive or too forward. Asking about someone’s sexual past, or financial information is nothing to be disclosing with a stranger.
  • Dating above your means.
  • Carry enough money- Even if you are invited out, you should always have extra money on hand just in case the date goes left (your date cannot cover the bill, you need to catch a taxi because your date drank too much). If your date intends to pay the bill then offer to leave the tip.
  • Be open minded remember you were not on a date with yourself you are on a date to get to know each other and in order to get to know a person you have to be open and willing to knowing them.

How To Make It Past The First Date

Have you Ever wonder how many first dates you have been on, and out of those first dates how many made it to the second? Some people don’t even realize that they are stuck in the cycle of first dates. It gets exhausting and repetitive after a while having to ask the same questions. I recently stumbled a comment in quora about a person who went on 20 first dates, with only one leading to a second date. Another person wrote that they went on 56 first dates,and out of the 56 dates only 20% made it to to a second date, 5/6 to a third, and one was a keeper.
There is no rule stating that a first date have to be formal. Factors like trying to make meaningful connections should take precedence. It seems that noways people tend to get caught up on the venue, or cost, rather than the vibes, or connection from the interaction itself.


Below are 3 important factors needed for a successful first date:


You want to impress your date by taking them to a place of interest that is in sync with their personality or your personality

• Be Impressive – You want to impress your date by taking them to a place of interest that is in sync with their personality or your personality. It allows for you both to feel comfortable by placing you in your element which can spark conversation about them or you.

Inexpensive– You want to be able to take your date somewhere that doesn’t have a drive through window. Somewhere that will make you both comfortable, and by that I don’t mean by breaking the bank because there is nothing comfortable about an empty bank account.

No distractions– Going to movie on a first date will allow no room for conversation. If you decide to, try a having dinner and then a movie, and by dinner it doesn’t need to be a 4 star establishment. It doesn’t need to be a fast food restaurant either. Try something in between, like local restaurants are just that, plus it adds a bit of charm as opposed to a regular chain restaurant.

A good tip on helping with your deciding factor is to try to know a little about your date before asking them out on a first date

A good tip on helping with the deciding factor is to try to know a little about your date before asking them out on a date. A brief conversation can reveal if a person is adventurous, artistic, classy etc.

Below are 14 Inexpensive yet Impressive Date Ideas that will leave an impression with your date and your pockets

Wine Tasting / Groves

Fruit Harvesting

Fair/ Amusement Park

Zoo/ Aquarium

Murder Mystery

Skating/ Ice Skating

Cooking/ Baking Class

Wine & Arts

Mini Golf

Karaoke

Canoeing

Boat/ Ferry Ride

Picnic

Food Tasting

The focal point on a date should be about making a connection. Make sure that you are able to market yourself to your date. Be genuine, listen, and get a feel about your date, and make you both are on one accord. Take a person out that you think have potential and is not just in it for a ride. This is where your gut instincts and communication strategy comes into play, because in the end, no venue, or effort into planning a date will take precedence over a person that just isn’t interested in dating.

Can a Break or Space make a relationship better or worse?

These two words have totally different meanings but when talking about relationships they mean exactly the same thing. Whether a person says that “We need a break” or “We need space” one is not better than the other, or worse. Taking breaks from a relationship has been going on from the beginning of time. People would take a break from a relationship if they were reconsidering the existence of the relationship and its entirety and need to step away to get a better understanding for where to go with the next step.

Some people would consider a break if they suddenly end up having to move and are reconsidering if it is worth making the relationship long distance or going separate ways. There are even breaks when something is revealed or exposed and the potential solution that may help to reconcile the situation would be to have time to think it over. A break is healthy when it comes to relationships because it prevents you from making hasty or permanent decisions, providing time to reconsider all possibilities. It gives you time to step away and review your situation from a new perspective.

The only way a break can become unhealthy is when it is abused.

The only way a break can become unhealthy is when it is abused. For instance, some people may take a break to benefit their own personal gains. In other words, it can be used as a “Hall Pass”. A Hall Pass is when one partner or significant other obliges to the other, giving them a temporary pass to do as they please within the relationship for a given amount of time. In other words, an excuse to cheat without it being held on record. Like in the movie starring Owen Wilson and Christina Applegate, where he was given a week’s pass to do as he pleased.

This pass has to be mutually agreed on by all persons involved within the relationship. A break is not an excuse to cheat, but that doesn’t mean that it cannot be used to. I recently watched an episode of a reality show called Love after Lockup where a gentleman desperately wanted to meet up with his girlfriend so he said that he would intentionally initiate an argument with his fiancee in order for her to get so angry with him to the point that she would stop talking with him. This gave him the opportunity to sneak off and be with this girlfriend that was staying a city away. Just the fact of him knowing that it would work shows his level of experience as a sleaze ball boyfriend (ladies please beware of men like this).

insecurities can develop when the mention of a break is brought up…

So we can see why insecurities can develop when the mention of a break is brought up as an option. Sometimes all you need is space away from the situation to reveal the root of your issues in order to resolve it. Often we end up with selfish and immature partners that will try to use a break as an excuse to do as they please, altering the entire purpose of a break. Unless it is agreed between all parties within the relationship to have a break without any limitations, and the sole purpose of the break is communicated properly there should not be an issue.

Here are some boundaries that should be expressed before hand to eliminate any sort of confusion:

  • If you chose to have an open relationship during the break I would not recommend inviting another person into a damaged relationship, it can interfere with your relationship. This includes friends too and their influence, which can be based more on their feelings rather than just yours (in other words what they feel is right).
  • This leads to another boundary, revealing your break to friends and family. Maybe you don’t want to bring it to everyone’s attention that you are having issues.
  • The timeframe of the break is also a topic of discussion. You will want to put a cap on the extent of time for the break, it can be days, weeks or months. Do not just leave it open or drag it on, it will not be fair to the partner that was not the initiator of the break. That is just a cowardly way to walk away or break up from a relationship. A break is different from a break up because it should be temporary until you decide on moving forward.

Also, depending on the individual and their level of maturity it should not have to be explained that there shouldn’t be any infidelities committed while on a break to help the relationship because it will only add more problems like jealousy, insecurity, and heartache. In other words breaks and space are good when it is done correctly, at the end you will know the next step whether to salvage or to leave it alone.

Love the one that loves you more

I once heard a saying back home “Love the one who loves you more” and that stuck in my head ever since. If Celine Dion had the opportunity to hear of this saying, her song “To love you more would of never existed”.  The saying simply means that it is best to be in a relationship with someone who loves you more than you love them. There can be so many reasons why this may be something that can be factual .

My reasons being that you definitely wouldn’t be taken advantage of easily, they say love is blind, at least this time you will be able to see. Women tend to be stereotyped as the gender type whom tend to seek interest in men, that often doesn’t return the mutual feeling. In other words we (women), tend to over look men that are their types (that more than likely ARE), for whatever reason. One of those reasons can be, having unrealistic ideals, which can cover from not being physically unattractive, to being financially unstable. Reasons that are unthinkable, that more than likely do not exist…

The definition of ideal is “ A conception of something in its perfection.”

But yeah, getting back on topic, most women will more than likely be able to recognize at least one good man they met in their lives, who they pushed to the side so that they can pursue someone with  more to offer. The person that genuinely loves you more, may not be the person that suits your ideal but they may be what you need. The definition of ideal is “ A conception of something in its perfection.” Ideal stems from the word idea, It is something that exists only in the imagination. We tend to think that we have the answer as to what a perfect lover/soul mate should be from what we believe in our head, which is an idea, which may have been influenced by music, television, or books. In the end an idea can be just that, a thought, not something that is realistic.

These men are not often what you may want but what you need. Its’s just like kids eating their vegetables, they don’t want them, but they are planted in their lives and need them way more than they would want them. These men can show or give you what you need, with that you can grow together to love one another. Some people often miss out on opportunities because the person that is head over heels with them might not suit the ideal image of who they (think) should be with. So that leaves the question ” Do you even know what you want in an ideal man?”  Sometimes, your ideals may not exist.

Not receiving closure may just be the closure you need

After a relationship ends on bad terms some of us tend to seek closure in order to move on. We want to feel a sense of resolution to help move us onto accepting the fact that the relationship is over. For some this is what we need to move on, for others it might be an reason not to move on. Often not every relationship you are involved in will allow for the door to be closed fully closed.  Its okay to close that door on your own because curiosity could end up killing the cat, and lead to you to a place where you might not want to end up. There are times where we do know in fact that the relationship is over, do you need concrete evidence from your significant other? Sometimes we move on to soon giving ourselves a false sense of closure. Then there are times when we take too long to ever really move on because we feel that we’ve never received the closure we needed to close that final chapter.

closure photo

If you can relate to this then this article is for you. We sometimes get stuck in that phase because sometimes your significant other might rob you of that by choosing not to, either because they feel you are not deserving of it, or because they want to keep you around for a little longer. Well my beautiful reader I am here to tell you that it’s your life, and while you enjoy the ride don’t ever let someone else take control of your wheel and steer you into the wrong direction. Don’t ever get to the point where you need an answer to decide to move on, if your lover is stubborn, or severed ties with you before giving you any closure then you might not get that closure you need want to move on.

Closure is not necessary, and it is not needed to move on

closure photo 2

In the end there would definitely need to be a proper structure of communication between the two of you in order to express this. If the communication is broken for whatever reason and you feel the need for closure that you might not get at instant (and by instant I mean that if there wasn’t obvious signs or evidence that you can figure out on hour own) answer, all you can do is let time take its course to make another attempt. Closure is not necessary, and it is not needed to move on . Even though it might help with the process of moving on, try not to get hung up over it, or put your life on hold until that day comes. Because not getting closure may be the closure you need, it might not be what you expect but it might be the closure you need. Free your thoughts and watch them fly ~SWV.

Freiheit

PREFERENCE & OR PREJUDICE

Image result for different ethnicities dating

Dating use to be so simple, now days it seems to become such a controversial subject. Have you ever mentioned to someone about your preference and received backlash for because of it, and thought to yourself what in the bigotry…when did having a preference became prejudice? I remember signing up dating site, the first thing I had to fill out was my personal info (for the people that are interested in you) and then fill out information for my preference (the person you plan to be paired with).

First things first, if it’s a general dating site you will have to state your sexuality (if you choose). That is unless you go a specific website that targets certain demographics or sexual orientation like, Christian Mingle, Black people meet, Ashley Madison, or Sugar Daddy Meet. Then you will be able to describe what you are interested in a person physically. You will go into more detail like height, body type and then lists your interests, hobbies that you like and would like for your interest to have in common, and then WALA! Just sit back and wait for that dm from the person of your dreams. 

to be attracted to a person you must be just that, attracted

Related image

Yes, it might seem a bit shallow but to be attracted to a person you must be just that, attracted. Whether you are a person that must find physical attraction first, must be intellectual stimulated be a least bit attracted at first, we all agree that there must first be some form of attraction. Sure, some people tend to be more specific than others when it comes to appearance. They might prefer someone that is tall in stature, with skinny ankles,  light eyes, perfect teeth, and hair that glistens in the sun like a mermaid, because that is what they find attractive… now (and I say this because situations like reality and maturity tend to change this in time). But seriously speaking, some persons might prefer someone that is glamorous, while others prefer someone more the girl/guy next door type.

Image result for dating opposites

A person like this will be looked at as superficial which is not where the problem lies. I think the part that becomes more misunderstood and offensive to others is when race becomes involved. Where someone of specific race might say that they prefer do date only within their race or only outside of there race. This is where we are judged ever more as racist or discriminating. A person should be allowed a preference whether it offends someone or not, because in the end love have no boundaries. As long a person if of age and mentally able to they should be able to chose to date whomever they please. Just a few years ago people were not just judged but killed because of having a preference. It was illegal for persons of a different race, social class, or genders to do this, let’s not go back in time where we were punished for wanting to chose who or what we want.

Common topics that spark controversy when having a preference to:

  • Dating outside or only inside your race.
  • Dating someone with intellect.
  • Dating outside your culture.
  • Dating persons of a specific body type.
  • Dating within or out of your social class.
  • Dating someone with kids.
  • Dating someone with a large age gap. 

There are many more topics that can be included, but the topics listed are what I have noticed to be the most common and controversial topics when it comes to dating. The only reason I have noticed for this to be offensive to others is because of a person being close minded and only seeing it their way, or insecure because they might not fit the preference of that particular person. It’s totally fine to not be someones cup of tea, even if that is a person you might be interested in, sure it might sting at first but now that there is someone out there that will someday find you worship the ground you walk on. In the end its not wrong to date someone that is exactly like you or totally different from you, no two persons are exactly alike.

17 Of The Cutest Opposites-Attract Couples Ever On TV

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17 Of The Cutest Opposites-Attract Couples Ever On TV

Here is a list of my favorite onscreen couples that dated with no boundaries.

Rich, poor, human, supernatural, nerdy, popular, socially awkward, black, white, English, Irish, Pink lady, T- Bird, fiction or non we still can learn a thing or two from them.

Image result for laura and steve urkel
Image result for save the last dance
Image result for 10 things i hate about you
Related image
Edward and Kim. From Edward Scissorhands (1990) (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099487/).
Image result for buffy and angel
Danny and Sandy. From Grease (1978) (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077631/?ref_=ttmi_tt).
Image result for titanic leonardo dicaprio

Destination Friend Zoned: Who’s to blame?

        friend_zone_by_pork_n_beans

 Destination Friend Zoned: Who’s to blame?

Don’t you wish that a person could wear a sign like the one above on a t-shirt as a precautionary warning? There is one place I’m sure no woman or man would want to end up in. The dreaded FRIEND ZONE, it almost sounds like a place from a Sci-fi thriller. I have seen and heard so many different definition of this term. My definition for it is being in a place and time frame that a person (the person with the interest) is placed into (temporary or permanent), when they develop an attraction towards a friend (the person they are interested in) and the feelings are not reciprocated.

Now I know it simply sounds like a definition of a person that you are just not that into, but a candidate for a friend zone is a little more than that. To me it can be a person that is put on the back burner, until maybe the possibility of the mutual feelings being returned. It is where you segregate the person with little, or no potential of being someone that will be able to be in an intimate relationship with you.

Sometimes a person is placed in this zone either because:

  • The person just simply is just not into them.
  • They are not ready to start a relationship with them at the moment.
  • They cannot see themselves in a relationship with the person.
  • They need to keep someone on the back burner in case your current relationship or situationship doesn’t work out.
  • They want to reject them but don’t know how without hurting their feelings, or coming off as mean (which kind of fall under the first point)
  • They have no idea how the persons feels about them.

There is no gender that is exempted from being placed into this zone. Some persons are in this zone without even realizing, while some are in it that do. For those that do they cling onto the hope of one day being given the opportunity, or chance at love. For others that are not aware, here are some signs of being friend zoned:

  • They refuse to put a title, or does not give a straight forward answer about your relationship, or where it is headed (often makes excuses).
  • The person never initiates a conversation, or conversations usually are limited to a few words.
  • They never ask you on a date, or declines your invite, or if you do there is never no sign of affection like kissing, or light touching (hugging not included)
  • They are never intimate with you.
  • They treat you the same way they would treat their friends. For instance, get advice about lovers like they would to a friend.
  • They introduced you to their family as a friend.

There are friendships that are being torn apart, and a lot of resentment because of this. Sometimes it isn’t the person that is the object your affection to blame the person that is being friend zoned. Let’s admit, sometime people tend to hold themselves as hostage themselves within that zone.

For instance, some people would enter a person’s life under false pretences, by first trying to gain a person’s trust. Then they try to gain that person’s friendship, next they try to gain their love. Before you know it this person is professing their undying love and emotions to someone who only sees them as a nothing more than just a friend. This is what I think is unfair, yes I know not everyone that a person will meet in life will have ulterior motives. People tend to introduce themselves to other, then might later become friends based on their compatibility of the same interest, but at the same time we must not deny that people that do meet others  based on being physically attraction towards them.

Then what happens next is initially this person might approach the person they are interested in, but gets shut down, but they tend to hang around. All of a sudden these two become friends, and then the person with the interest will feel like they are in a prominent position in the person’s life where then can try their shot again. Now this move could lead to either result, whereas the person might have grown to love them and become attracted to them. Or it could result in the person still not feeling the same as the person that is interested in them, but now they probably feel awkward, and then friendship becomes totally ruined, or just not the same.

So, as long as persons are not straight forward with their intentions, friend zones will always exist. Not all of the time a person will have the intent of winning over someone’s heart whether it is now or they chose to wait later. But if a person should choose this course in attempting to avoid the friend zone here’s what to do:

  • Express how you feel; a person might not have any clue that you have the slightest feelings towards them as being more than friends.
  • Do know that your plan is not going to be fool proof when it comes to dealing with someone’s emotions. You cannot manipulate or pity someone into feeling the way that you do, or guilt trip them if the feelings are not mutual.
  • Do not beg, or try to convince the person to be with you. If you are already friends, then they already know the quality you possess. It should be their choice to reveal their feelings (weather mutual or not) decide the next step they want to take.
  • Do not put your life on hold for something that you have no control over, or something you do not have a title to. It’s either the person want, or do not want to be with you. Live life, date, you never know you might find a soul mate to get you over your feelings.
  • Make sure to try and get a straight forward enough answer without being pushy. Sometimes this can be a lot for a person to swallow, especially if this is a long-time friendship. But in the end this response will ultimately be the answer you will need in order to make the next step.
  • If you are not successful in obtaining their love, decide whether the friendship can move forward, don’t make the person feel uncomfortable, true friendships can overcome a lot. Besides, there would be no friend zone if people would actually communicate from the day one, and move on if a person isn’t feeling them.

When a person is interested it will show, even if this person is shy, once you make it clear that you are on the same page it will be evident. A summed up way of knowing if the person is only interested in you as a friend is that they will treat you as that, just a friend. There will be no flirting, touching, feeling etc. The love will be generalized and not specific. Everyone is guilty of being put in the friend zone. It is just up to you to decide whether or not you will chance being there, and being released, or if you chose to release yourself.

Then again Ross Gellar  from the popular 90’s sitcom “Friends” waited 7 years before he was given a chance with his long time crush, and Jason from Twilight waited just to protect the love of his life Bella’s daughter, but these are all ficticional characters (see other familiar characters that were friend zoned in the link below)                            http://www.ranker.com/list/worst-friendzones-film-tv/allen-clary?utm_expid=16418821-324.3lRbXetYRRWrK-hFLSpdrg.0&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F